As long as I can remember I wanted to fit in like everyone else. But I never did. Even today I have very few friends to share my life with.
Isolation is a big and real issue with some Autistic people. Since a lot of society in small towns do not understand the difficulties in social skills and communication a person who is Autistic has, they simply are uninterested.
Please understand this particular blog post has taken me over a week to find the courage to write. Even as I write it I am in the throws of feeling like I do not want to live. But I will and I do. Though every day may be a struggle I do have one person in my life (my husband) who has taken the time to be interested.
Did you know a person can cry because they are happy and a person can cry because they are sad?
A lot of the English language is also this way. Just one sentence can mean a lot of different things.
It took me a long time to understand it when people were telling me a story about a conversation they had with someone else.
They would explain the conversation in detail but not full detail.
Here is an example of what someone might say (fictional)
The other day I saw Betty hanging her clothes on the clothes line and I said do YOU really want to do it that way?
At this point in the conversation I would be thinking and asking “What way? What am I doing? I wasn’t doing anything I thought you were telling me about Betty hanging her clothes up. Why are you yelling at me?
Now since Ryan (my husband has taught me so much about the language differences, I understand what the person telling me really was
The other day I saw Betty hanging her clothes on the clothes line and I said TO HER, do you really want to do it that way
This has happened so many times. Leaving me feeling yelled at and confused. and the person sharing their recent experience feeling like I did not really give a crap what they were saying at all.
Autistic Tip- We do not speak the same language as you. Small words that are removed from a sentence make a huge impact on how we will understand what you are really communicating with us.
Well for the most part this is too much work for people. Taking the time to really understand in passing is just not afford to many and thus it does live the Autistic person feeling isolated. Drawing conclusions that an Autistic person just is a Bitch or is Bad or Unloving or doesn’t love you is very sad. I know a lot of the people in my extended family just believe I am Phys co (as they put it) .I am the Black Sheep
Hebrews 4: 12 For the word of God is living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing to the division of soul and of spirit, of joints and of marrow, and discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart.
I am working on understanding that others just do not communicate like I do and stopping the idea of wanting to just be the same. But, the isolation is real. It is harsh and it is constant.
I would love to hear your thoughts. Leave me a comment if you can.