Across the earth is a sprinkling of talented people

Some standing stronger than a tree

Some bending perfectly broken

Some blowing around like the wind

Some carry the speech of God

Some sitting with strangers

Across the earth is a sprinkling of talented people

They bloom like flowers

In their own time

and then they’re gone

The news has hit me hard. How could something I created become a weapon used to hurt someone? How?

Because this world is not my home. I am not familiar with the cruelty of mankind although in my 41 years of life I have experienced it and yes I have been angry about a thing or two but have always tried my very best to not let my anger hurt someone. (I’m sure I have failed a time or two)

This pattern I have of defeat and self blame has got to stop! Here I am, always playing the role of the Good Samaritan, helping as much as possible those who need it and all the while denying myself “a shower, a glass of water, a teary moment, a pair of new shoes, medication, new glasses and the list goes on and on.

My head is normally empty but every now and then I get that negative talker inside my head that tells me I am not good enough and I never will be good enough. My only recourse is , to write, to paint or to sing.

So why then would one of my paintings be held hostage in a bankruptcy dispute? The person who is holding it wants to make sure the other person who borrowed money from them and had not paid it back gets nothing back.


How much can I share of this legally? I have no clue I only know this. My art that hung on that wall is NOT a part of the dispute but because it hung on the wall of the one persons building that they owned, it was NOT a criminal offense for them to keep it. What is wrong with some people? It is morally wrong for sure.


My first reaction was….

I don’t ever want to paint again!

My second reaction was….

I don’t ever want to paint again!

I phoned the police. I explained the entire story. Nope it is not a criminal offense it is a civil offense. So now I have to go to small claims court and I know nothing about court!

I know the long line of people needing help is never going to end. The world is lacking helpers!!


But I have to do this for my art it is my heart. I have to leave them to their own devices but only for a short while until I am finished saving this painting.

Suicide crosses my mind- The selfish kind of reaction I’ve felt since a teen. The greatest expression of distaste for the injustice of this world. The sometimes certain doom of the crazy artist. (Not an option)


So I speak of my frustration, my hurt, my dying will to continue. One response I got was – “Well thats nice (said sarcastically) I hope you get what you want!

You hope I get what I want??? What kind of response is that?

Is it a SIN in your eyes for me to want? Because it sure sounds like it!

Why must the world keep reminding me I am not a bird with feathers but rather a human with skin, thin skin.


I have nothing to do with these 2 people disputing! I owe neither of them any money. And yet the one holds my painting to punish the other for his debts.

I try to find the little girl in me who is so full of freedom and has no idea the dedication and courage it took to even let go of an original painting. It can’t be replaced. It’s the only one on this earth. But the little girl is just the type of soul that reminds me to give it to God. But God also requires us to get up and do something about our life path.

My uncles wise words come to mind

Love many

Trust few

and always paddle your own canoe

but I need help!! Would you help me? Now I’m standing in line , not for anyone else but for myself.

Click This Link ——>   Help Save Lost Painting


Welcome to the mess of my mind and the breaking of my heart, this is what it looks like. I will put of a brave face to meet with the lawyer today even though I know we cannot afford this financially– But we can’t afford NOT to in all other ways.

I don’t’ want people to get the idea that I don’t cherish the gift I was given to paint. I don’t want people to get the idea that my paintings mean nothing to me. I don’t want people to get the idea that I won’t fight for what I believe in.

This is the insanity of life.